EOS is Drunk! How did THAT Happen?
by FandomNutter
Summary: (TAG 2015) One-Shot based on a Tumblr post that posed the question, "Can AI's Get Drunk?" Challenge Accepted. *MEGA CRACK WARNING*


**EOS is Drunk?! How did THAT Happen?**

* * *

It is times like these that make John Glen Tracy wish that he had never opened his mouth. It all started after He'd gotten a call from Scott and had ended up listening to him rant about how Gordon—who _knew_ he was a total light-weight—had been a complete idiot and gotten himself _absolutely smashed_ over the weekend. After Scott had finished complaining and ended the Holo-call EOS approached him, somewhat upset that she had no idea what it felt like to be drunk, and—the information glutton that the AI was, of _course_ she wanted to know what being drunk felt like.

John, of course, taking pity on her had foolishly obliged by writing up a few lines of code that would _theoretically_ simulate the effects of excessive alcohol consumption.

He regretted that decision now.

 _Immensely._

Turns out, that code worked a little _too_ well, and EOS is a little shit when she is 'drunk'.

"EOS . . . EOS _please_ ," John groans as he drags a hand over his face, "turn the music _off_. It's from _2003_. Even Grandma doesn't like this song, and you've been playing it for an _HOUR_."

"But it's _FUUUNNN!_ " The AI giggled " _EVERYONE_ should know this song! I _like_ this song!"

". . . _Please_ tell me you're not broadcasting it over the intercom. EOS, turn it _OFF_. Please."

"Oooo~ . . ." EOS' automated voice now came from the other side of '5, and John was quick make his way there to see what she was doing.

"What are you up to now—oh god. That's the remote control panel for Thunderbird 2—EOS stop—Thunderbird 2's not supposed to move like that— _STOP PINWHEELING ON THE LAUNCH STRIP!_ . . . That's it—I am so dead. Virgil's going to _kill_ me. I'm _dead_."

"Ok!" John sighed with relief as EOS abandoned the remote control pad, only to pale as EOS made her way to the _life-support systems_.

"Wait, no—leave that alone—don't touch that. EOS stop— _I NEED THE OXYGEN!_ Wait, let me get my helmet— _STOP SHOOTING BAGELS AT ME!_ " He finally managed to reach his helmet and slammed the thing on his head before EOS decided that the O2 was unneeded.

Making his way over to his Pocket-Pad while EOS was distracted with zooming and unzooming areas of the holographic Earth, John quickly wrote up a code that would— _theoretically_ —'sober' the AI up.

All he needed to do now was enter it into EOS' system.

. . . He should have known it was never going to be that easy

Apparently EOS _liked_ being 'drunk'—she didn't _want_ to 'sober up'. _Heaven forbid_ John try to make her, so he is reduced to running around like a maniac chasing EOS through the entirety of Thunderbird 5.

And _of course_ that is how Scott finds him when the eldest Tracy brother calls in to ask him just _What The Hell Is Going On Up There_.

"EOS, it's for your own good!"

"John?" Scott asks, "What the hell is going on up there? Virgil just about had a nervous breakdown when his 'Bird started launching herself and nearly crashed in the process—not to mention that song that was playing over the coms." Scott gave his Explain Now stare.

John sighed. "EOS wanted to know what it was like to be drunk, so I wrote up a code for her and now she keeps—no! EOS I _need_ the O2! No, that's my _chocolate!_ —EOS turn the gravity back on! No— _DON'T OPEN THE 'LOCK!_ "

"Need help?" Scott sighs,

"If you don't mind," John mutters as he floats past the monitor again, "it will probably be easier to enter the code into EOS from the Island's database anyway."

Now the question was who was up to 'save' John.

Alan and Gordon are too busy laughing to be of _any_ help— _at all_ and Virgil—still fretting over his 'Bird—leaps out of the room with a "Nope!" so Scott just sighs and gives the Patented Big Brother Frown while the red-head Tracy is trying to dodge bagel-shaped missiles in 0G.

Scott face palms, shakes his head and makes his way down to Thunderbird 3's silo so that he can rescue his idiot brother from a _drunk AI_ of all things.

* * *

 **Sooo . . . I know** — **I'm supposed to be writing NFHNFF but . . . _Thunderbirds . . ._**

 **Nutter Out!**


End file.
